May 23, 2012

A ZOO of a Post!

As I mentioned in the mini post...we went to the zoo last week with Little Miss's preschool class. This is the first year we've been able to join in on the big, end-of-the-year trip and I we were so excited!!

We've visited zoos all over the country- and I have to say...the Norfolk Zoo is incredible. Each exhibit is so well cared for- the animals all seem happy and content. It was such a pleasure to spend the day there! (Seriously, the Bronx Zoo could take some serious pointers.)

Little Miss & some of her favorite people.

Our animal know I had a hard time not busting these guys out of their cages. Next time, I'm bringing wire-cutters in the camera bag. I couldn't help but feel sad for these animals- as happy and content as they seemed, they're in cages. This is not how they're supposed to be living. As much as I enjoyed being able to see them up close and show Little Miss up close- it broke my heart for them.

Papa Orangoutang...hiding his sweet face.

On our way out, we had to stop and have a Tyra moment. Little Miss loves America's Next Top Model. This was totally unprompted...and she did these poses herself.

We were so excited for Bub to join us on our trip! The plan was- zoo, grab lunch quick, pick up hay and rush back to get Little Miss to dance rehearsal on time. Sounds totally do-able right? Mmhmm.

We leave the zoo with plenty of time to grab lunch and the hay, as planned. We arrive at the hay spot- get the hay loaded when the lil feller who loads the hay says..."Oh, can I put these last three on the top if I tie them?" 

Let me paint the picture for you- there are two layers of hay in the back of my truck already, so these three bales will be teetering on the top, slightly above the cab of the truck. Picture painted? Alrighty.

Seeing as there was a chance of rain, I suggested we tie the bales together and add a tarp into the mix. (Because surely if we tarp it, it's definitely not going to rain!) Homeboy starts telling me about his super cool beach house he (ahem, his parents b/c he's all of 17) owns near me...and how he just came down last weekend to mow the yard...etc, etc. This is when I begin to get concerned because there needed to be less talking and more securing the mother-loving hay. (Note to self: stop picking up hay alone. Teach husband how to speak cowboy & make him deal with hay people.)

We barely get out of the long, winding drive of the hay spot before the tarp flies off. Seriously, my truck looked like it was skydiving...that tarp took flight, parachute style. I rip the tarp off...tell Little Miss to cover her ears & hoist myself up onto the top layer of the hay to make sure the three bales I was assured were tied together, were indeed tied together. There weren't. Sweet! I tie the two (70lb) outer bales together- because surely if the outer two are tied together they'll all stay up there, right? 

We made it about half way home and are cruising along at 55mph on a straight away when the two bales that were tied together took flight. Thankfully there was no one behind us. Did I mention it was a little windy? Like blowing 25-30? 

I see where the bales landed and decide that it's too dangerous for me to stop in the middle of four lanes of traffic to move them. (One made it to the side of the road, the other was closer to the center lane...but it's a freaking bale of hay- how can you miss it?!)

Then I see blue lights...for the love of worms and dirt, seriously!?!? Now we're definitely going to be late to dance. (*#^%(*@&(%&*!!!

I scramble for my license and registration.

"Hi ma'am, did you lose some hay?" the officer asks.

"Hi sir! Um...did I?!?" (I know...totally playing up the sweet, stupid, southern blonde. Big smile, big accent.)

"Well, I think it might've been you? If you want to pick them up, I will stop traffic for you. Otherwise, you can just be on your way. No harm done."

"Oh...okay, well if I won't get in trouble for not going back- I'm going to head on home," I explain and tell him my daughter has dance to get to.

Off we go, again.

Not five minutes later a red truck driven by an asshole who I'm sure was from Maryland, motions for me to roll my window down.

"You lost some hay back there...and you caused a huge accident!! There are ambulances and fire trucks!" he says in his most 'tough guy' voice.

My blood boils. I know this is a total lie b/c I'd just talked to the State Trooper. 

I took my one hand off the wheel and did my very best to put my finger in his face- which was difficult to do seeing as he was in his car and I was in mine...but it needed to be done.

"NUH UH sir...that's a TOTAL lie. I just spoke to the state trooper and there was NO accident and NO one got hurt." (I was so upset Little Miss didn't have her headphones on or he wouldn't gotten a MUCH more involved response.)

He rolled his window up immediately. Apparently my hay was covering up my "I don't take shit from anyone" bumper sticker. Who does that!? Who makes up a total lie just to scare the shit out of someone...a total stranger at that? My mom, who was in the passenger seat, didn't say a word. Asshole-from-Maryland is so very lucky she was riding shotgun and not my husband.

So that was the end to the day. Little Miss made it to dance a little late- but she made it. And the rest of the hay made it home safe.


  1. Ugggggh. Just reading the exchange with Maryland Man makes the "rage ball" rise up in my chest. People do that sort of stuff ALL.THE.TIME. in Philly and I want to claw their eyes out for it. And I just think "Oh, did that boost your ego? Do your balls feel a little bigger now? Get out of here 'tough' guy..." UGH. People are such idiots.

  2. I know!! Had I not been so pissed off...I would've come up with a much more cleaver response.

    "God hates liars...SAFE TRAVELS, DICK." or something like that. ;-) haha