February 7, 2016

Dear Big Gully

Dear Big Gully,

The beginning of February has a new meaning now. Last year, we were preparing for your next journey- your trip home- to see Karen again, to see your mother and father, your many Wigeons...those special souls who left here before you. 

You were ready, we know that. Although, on the first night Mom and Angie were with you on the mountain- you boldly told the angel that visited you in your sleep to slow down, not just yet. We know that by the end of the week, you were prepared. Your body was tired and ready to be renewed. While we weren't ready to let you go, we all agreed (and still do) that it brings us peace in knowing that your healthy again, telling stories and watching over us.

This morning in church, our pianist played Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. As he began playing, my eyes filled with tears and my heart with sadness. Plain and simple- I just miss you. I miss your laugh and your voice. I miss hearing you call us all Sissy. I just miss you. The song continued and the tears stopped as the beat picked up speed, and I could feel your presence. I could almost hear your voice. The sadness faded.

"Don't cry, shug."

In the year that you've been gone, I feel like so many wonderful memories have been made that we haven't been able to share with you. Our engagement and wedding- moving into our new home with our horses in our yard. I have these selfish moments, moments I just want to share with you, talk with you, and wish you were here instead of heaven. But when I look around...there you are, everywhere. In the rainbow that shined in the sky the March afternoon of the day we got the blue sky that showed on our rainy wedding day, in the buck that hangs on our wall- that I decorated for Christmas, because I knew you would've done the same if you were here. {red tacky bow and all}

So, I know you're with us- and you aren't missing a thing. But today, on the anniversary of your journey- I just needed to cry and talk to you and think about all the memories from years before. The memories, that I look back on now and realize those moments molded and shaped me into who I am now. Watching you care for Karen for years- a love that is rarely seen in real life, mostly just seen in Nicholas Sparks novels. That love was just who you were. You didn't love someone a little- you loved them with everything you had. I am so thankful for that. I am thankful to have been a part of your wonderful life story...and I'm thankful that you were such a big part of mine.

I love you,
Little Sissy

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