I Can Breathe, Again

A few weeks ago I stopped breathing. Two days ago, I started breathing again.

My mom went to the doctor because she'd been having some pains in her side. As it turns out, they found out what was causing the pain- but found a few other things that they wanted to take a closer look at. Upon taking the closer look, they found something that needed a biopsy. When words like malignant and cancerous started being thrown around by the doctor- my hands started sweating, my ears began ringing and I could no longer focus.

My mom is my best friend. Without her, I'm not sure if I would ever, ever get anything accomplished. I call her at least four times per day. We share everything with each other and sometimes, yes...we want to strangle each other, but most of the time- we're best friends who laugh, cry and make fun of ourselves and others. 

I thought about my good friend Donna, who just recently passed away with cancer. I thought about her family and this first holiday season without her. I felt like it was unfair of me to voice my worry to my very good friend, Casey, Donna's daughter. As life would have it, she was one of the only people who made my worry subside.

The doctor's told us before we left their office that the biopsy results could be back by Friday...by Wednesday of the following week, we still had nothing. I was a nervous wreck...I couldn't sleep...I would cry in the bathroom...the thought of Christmas made me nauseous because of the what ifs that were flying through my head.

Wednesday morning I was sitting in my parent's living room when the phone rang- the doctor's office. Mom picked up the phone and walked to the bedroom- I followed right behind her. By the time I realized I was getting no information through pushing my ear up against the closed door, I barged into the room with her. She held up her hand with an okay symbol...and I could finally breathe again.

I couldn't contain my excitement. I wanted to scream from the rooftops that my mom was okay! The best I could manage was posting it on my facebook status. 

Almost immediately, my phone rang. With tears streaming down my face, I answered. It was Casey.

"I heard the good news!" she said.

I cried even harder...but I tried so hard to hide it. Of all of my friends, Casey was the first to call. She just lost her mom to the same ugly disease that I was so thrilled my mom didn't have. She was as excited as I was to hear the news...and wanted to call me to share the moment with me. Not text, not comment on facebook- but call. That phone call meant more than anyone will ever know to me. Thank you, Case...I love you.

Mom will go in the have some minor surgery on the 30th- the first of two. I will be right by her side, whether she thinks she needs me there or not...but this time- neither one of us will have any reason to hold our breath. ;-)

In it for the Cookies

Several weeks ago, Little Miss came home from preschool singing some lovely new holiday tunes. How did I know she learned these at preschool without even so much as asking her? Simple. She sang each word to each song with the exact accent of her teacher. So it was no surprise that she was delighted to head over to her preschool a few days ago for her big Christmas program.

Sidenote: I purchased an adorable Christmas outfit for her to wear to her program- complete with an embroidered Christmas tree on the top. Although it wasn't a dress, which is basically the only thing Little Miss will wear, I hoped that since it was pink...maybe, just maybe, she'd be thrilled with it. No dice, amigo. She plainly looked at the adorable outfit and said "Mom, that is not a dress. I'm not wearing it. I have to wear a dress." Thankfully, her Bub saw all this playing out long before I purchased the adorable Christmas outfit and purchased a zebra dress for her to wear...just in case.

Thanks, Bub. You saved the day.

It started snowing just as we left the house. Could you ask for better weather when you're heading to a Christmas program? I think not! Big, fluffy flakes filled the sky (and stuck to absolutely nothing) as we made our way over to the preschool building. Little Miss was so excited to perform...right up until we walked into her classroom. She agreed to go sit by her teacher, so long as she could face the opposite direction.

New friends and old filed into the classroom. Little Miss decided she'd be a bit social and join the crowd of little people.

But that only lasted a few moments. When the other parents began filing in for the big show, Little Miss high-tailed it into her Gran'Daddy's lap.

After the big show, Little Miss was off to visit with her friends. Her shyness wore right off- just in time for the singing and bell-ringing to be over. I was able to snap a few photos of a couple of my favorite gals, Sydnee and Amie, by the Christmas tree! I've known Amie forever...and now our girls can say the same. ;-)

Who needs singing and bell-ringing, anyway? Little Miss was just in it for the Christmas tree cookies. ;-) And...there is always next year!!

Simply Magical

The holidays are here! It's official- the town Christmas tree has been lit!

One thing I love about living in our small, island town is the small, island festivities. This past Friday, we joined hundreds of local folks to lite the town Christmas tree, sing carols, drink hot chocolate, freeze our tails off, and of course, to meet a jolly ole elf...the jolly ole elf. It was a wonderful time.

It's always a joy to see how Little Miss changes from year to year in regards to Santa Claus. One year she's absolutely terrified, the next year she thinks he's okay as long as I'm in his lap too, but this year? Oh this year she was all

about it. (Particularly because, jolly ole Saint Nick? He looks a heckuva lot like my uncle, Little Miss's great-uncle, Big Gully.)

She insisted on showing Santa the bow on the front of her sparkly dress...in true flasher style. (A dress she fought tooth and nail to wear...) She then told him she would like two fashion Barbies, one for her and one for her Bub...and the Santa movie. ("You know, the one they made about you, Santa.") She could hardly fall asleep that night- talking about how amazing it was to meet Santa. Simply magical.

Thankful

This Thanksgiving was one of firsts.

I cooked my very first turkey. I almost threw-up on said turkey, during the 'prep' process. I cooked two pumpkin pies, for the first time ever...and here is the big first, nothing caught on fire and everything tasted amazing! (Oh, and no one got sick! Yay!)

Although I cooked quite a few dishes at home, we ate dinner over at my parents home. It was nothing short of a smorgousborg of incredible food. Collard greens? Oh yes, with cornmeal dumplings. Yum, it makes my heart flutter like a teenager with her first crush.

Recipes from family members past and present flooded the thanksgiving table, as did the memories. It reminded me to be thankful for things those past relatives have left behind- whether it's a plate or a recipe,  morals or butterfly kisses...never take a moment for granted, they pass by too quickly.

Speaking of recipes, let's talk about dessert and my grandfather's recipe for pineapple cake. Yum-O. Or my daddy's recipe for chocolate-cheesecake...well, it's not actually his recipe, but he found it somewhere & made it wonderfully.

After dinner, Little Miss decided to click her sparkly heels and transform herself into a dancing machine. Let's face it, she didn't need to transform much at all.

I'm thankful she got rhythm from someone else in the family. I look like I'm having small seizures when I 'break-it-down'.

And I'm oh-so-thankful for our four-legged family. They make me laugh on a daily basis- sometimes in the midst of almost-breaking-my-neck from tripping over one-of-the-five of them.

Sweet Pea stalked the kitchen all morning, certain there would be some sort of turkey scraps he'd need to dispose of. Just when he gave up, the bacon was ready. About the time he dropped a tiny bacon crumb, which prompted Tinker to fly in like his butt was on fire, I was moving the over-flowing pumpkin pie towards the oven. Tinker got under my feet and ended up with pie filling from ears to tail. He was thrilled!!

I'm thankful I didn't have a sink full of dishes at that very moment, so I could toss my pie-covered chihuahua into the sink for a bath. (Yes, I bathe him in the sink...in the kitchen.)

Even though the turkey almost didn't get cooked and the pie almost didn't make it to the oven, it was the most perfect Thanksgiving we've ever had. Now, bring on Hanukkah and Christmas! Let the decorating being!!

Happy Birthday, Big Girl Jeni!!

As you know, our family doesn't need much of an excuse to celebrate. But we had a great excuse this week...Little Jeni turned 5!

Jeni, who we constantly call Little Jeni because she was named after my grandmother...made it known that she is no longer a little girl- she's now a big girl. Within the same breath of saying hello and hugging me, she informed me that she no longer sucked her thumb and she'd planned to eat most of her peas and even though she had her blanket, she didn't have to have her blanket....all because she's 5.

We spent the evening at my aunt and uncle's home eating pizza, ice cream and cake...telling stories and laughing. Some of us spent some of the evening in a princess tent. It was a wonderful night...and Little Miss was so exhausted she didn't even make it over the bridge before she was sleeping soundly.

By cake and ice cream...I meant, mostly icing.

I think it's safe to say they pretty much adore each other. I've never seen two little girls get along so well...as I knock repeatedly on my wooden desk. They work very hard to make sure the other one doesn't get her feelings hurt.

Jeni wanted to make sure Little Miss didn't feel left out of her birthday celebration- so she even let her blow out her big 5 candle. After she blew it out first, of course.

Big Gully got attacked by some little girls with icing fingers. I believe this was Little Miss's favorite part of the evening!

Sugar?

I'm pretty sure this is the definition of a great birthday celebration...icing on your face. :)

Happy Birthday, Jeni! We love you! (And happy mommyhood anniversary to you, Angie! You're a wonderful mother & I am so glad we can share our girls! Even though mine looks more like you than she does me...)

Family

Although funerals are never pleasant- it does tend to bring family members together that may not have seen each other in quite some time.

This was the case for me. Two years ago I swore I wouldn't be in the same room with my cousin, Johnna until she had been clean and free from drugs for several years. I swore I wouldn't let my daughter around her- because I remember being hurt so badly by promises Johnna would make to me...and I didn't want the same for Little Miss. But sometimes...promises we make to ourselves get broken easier than promises we make to others. The day before Aunt Ruby passed away, I walked over to her house & found Johnna in her yard...planting flowers. She was eleated to look up & see us coming towards her...and I must admit, so was I. My cousin, with all her flaws and f*ck ups (sorry, there is just no other way to put it) is a good-hearted person. She loves her family...but sometimes her addiction sufficates that love & she hurts all of us more than she will ever realize. When she's drug-free, she's a wonderful person. Today, I'm enjoying that drug-free, wonderful person...because tomorrow, she may not be that person.

Anyway...after seeing Johnna for the first time in two years, Little Miss immediately fell for her. I saw the twinkle in both of their eyes and it took me back to the mounds of memories I have with Johnna. From horse rides (before I had my own) to tiger adventures...yes, tigers- she took me to see baby tigers when I was Little Miss's age & the baby tiger took my pacifier. I have photos to prove it. (And yes, I was almost 4 and still carried a pacifier...and look, I'm fine!) Little Miss picked flowers with her, played hide and seek- anything Little Miss asked, Johnna did.

Little Miss also fell for another cousin...one who she actually fell for several years ago.

They actually might've fought for her attention a little...;-)

Remember my aunt who had heart surgery a couple years ago? Can you believe how great she looks?! She's the definition of a fighter. And Tabb, again...she just oozes happiness, doesn't she? :-)

I know some people don't take pictures at/before/after funerals...but we do. We took advantage of Aunt Ruby's beautiful yard, something she was so proud of, and the fact that we were all 'dolled up'. You know, we live in the South- you're hard pressed to get us out of our camo! (I'm just kidding...I don't even own any camo- ok, that's a lie.)

The reason Tabb is oozing happiness...

...simply b/c I'm her favorite...there, I said it.

This is a typical face made by my daddy...I'm not sure what he was saying, but I know Tabb took this picture- which means whatever he was saying is probably not blog-appropriate.

Aunt Ruby's caregivers for many years...her nieces and nephew.

No matter how old Aunt Ruby's girls were...she always called them her girls. And no matter how old I am...I'll always be one of her babies.

Little Miss's favorite snack of the day...

And I have to put this in here...it was buried with my sweet, feisty Aunt Ruby- her coffee-pot. It was on every day, all-day...she drank so much that I'm quite sure she bled coffee.

Thank you, Aunt Ruby...for bringing us all together again.

Most Hilarious/Embarrassing Night Of My Life

Friday night, Little Miss and I had a little bit of a night out on the town. We started our evening some of our favorite little and big girls over at La Fogata. (Yum, just saying the name of that heavenly place makes me hungry.) Little Miss had a great time with her friends- it was a trip to see. They all had either iPhones of iTouches out and played on them just about the entire dinner...only stopping to eat quickly and make a trip to the counter to get ring pops.

After dinner, no one wanted to go home...so the big girls decided to head over to karaoke while the little girls went home to play together. This is where the night began to go down in history as the most hilarious and embarrassing night of my life, thus far.

So you get the picture...the voices of reason (ie: the sober parties) were myself and Mandy Stetson. If you know either of us or have been intoxicated around us, you'll know that we are probably not the best voice of reason. Mostly, we'll point and laugh at you- in the most loving way, of course. The most you can ask out of us is that we try to make sure you don't strip naked in the bar. (But really...no promises.)

The singing in the bar was surprisingly pretty good...but it was the most depressing of depressing country music known to man. (And I love me some country music...but this was too much.) So, one of our party decided that Mandy and I (note: the only sober people, besides the bartenders, in the place) should liven up the place.

"You can rap, right Eden?"

"Huh?" I said, instantly terrified.

"Yea..you can...do some Beastie Boys or something!"

"What? Who? No, no..."

"Let's do 'Baby Got Back'!"

Okay, so I know I can do Baby Got Back b/c I've been known to rock out to that song with Little Miss while mopping the floor...or cooking dinner...or driving well, just about anywhere. So we sign up to do that song...and just as we put our names in, I realize that I went to high school with both the bartenders. I thought to myself, well...maybe they don't recognize me....and that thought was interrupted by waves from both of them. Crap.

By the time our name was called, our friend- who's birthday it happened to be- decided to join us. She had no qualms about jumping right up on stage and reading every single word off the prompter. (Her enunciation and pronunciation were incredible, considering she'd had quite a few birthday drinks and had never heard the song before.)

My palms were sweaty and I had cotton-mouth like nobody's business. It became quite clear to my why I'm not the performer in the family. If it was up to me to get onstage every night and bring home the bacon, we'd have to go steal a pig. (ba-dum-chi)

I'm quite certain the karaoke-man, who didn't care for me or Mandy, never turned our microphone on b/c I couldn't hear myself to save my life. By the time we finished and got back to our seats, I was greeted by a friendly face...a mother of a girl I'd gone to high school with.

"Hey! That was so cute what ya'll did up there....what, what was that? What do you call that?" said in a thick, Southern accent. (thick as in, how Britney Spears sounds when she's trying to be southern, not British)

"It's umm, rap music...the song was called 'Baby Got Back'" I explained.

"Ohhh, uh huuuh...I've never heard of that. I will have to look it up on the internet."

"Yea...you should. It's about girls with huge asses," I said with a smile.

"Oh...well. Well, that was really cute! Bye, now!" she said flustered, while walking away from me as fast as possible.

A few minutes passed and the birthday-girl decided she wanted to sing another upbeat song. What's more upbeat that 50 Cent? I got all excited for her b/c I didn't think I'd have to join her onstage...wrong.

Hands down the most hilarious moment of the night occurred with the birthday-girl began to recite the lyrics to 'In The Club' and instead of saying 'Look Mami I got the X if you into taking drugs' she said "Look Miami...I got the X cuz I'm into have SEX!!" I thought I was going to fall over. Neither Mandy nor I could even begin to be her hype-girls b/c we were laughing so hard we couldn't even catch our breath. (In fact, I'm laughing pretty hard right now while I'm typing this...my dogs think I've lost it.)

Did I mention it was snowing that particular night? It was...in North Carolina...snowing. I think that's a sign that I should never ever do kareoke again.

Oh and can I tell you how happy I am that no one had a video camera that particular night? The thought of me on youtube absolutely terrifies me.

Just Like Mom

My mom is the busiest person I know. She puts her family and loved ones before herself, always. I've gotten in more than a few arguments with her over her never-ending list of 'to-dos' for other people...especially when she's feeling under the weather.

A few years ago when she had her gallbladder removed, she was forced to take some time off...doctor's orders, no ifs, ands or buts about it. As soon as she felt good enough to walk to the bathroom, she figured she could vacuum and dust the entire house. (Because, that's totally the same thing as getting up to pee!) I fussed with her...she said 'I know, I know' and continued on about her day. (Noting not to tell me the next time she vacuumed.)

My whole life I've been told how much I resemble my father, from my physical appearance to my accent. But today I realized, I'm exactly like my mother.

I can't sleep, no matter how sick I am, if the trash can is full, if the sink is full of dirty dishes or if the floor has not been swept.

I stayed home all day yesterday for the first time since we moved into our new home. (Feeding horses 15 minutes away from our house twice a day keeps me quite busy- but I wouldn't change it for the world.) I stayed home because I had a touch of strep/throat infection and bronchitis. My daddy refused to let me venture out into the below-freezing temperatures to feed my boys so my body could get enough rest to get well.

I watched movies with Little Miss- but suddenly couldn't focus on Cinderella because I knew the cat's litter hadn't been scooped since the previous night...somehow when I returned to the couch, I'd not only cleaned out the litterbox, but the whole bathroom, my bedroom & the playroom. I mean, I had all this time on my hands...I needed to put it to good use!

Mom, you are the only person in the entire world that I aspire to be like...even when I don't mean to. You are my hero...and I love being just like you.