January 18, 2015


For the last almost-year, I have wanted to write something. Anything. Something describing the river...no, ocean, of emotions that were flooding through my life.

But I couldn't. It didn't seem appropriate. While I made most of my life public for quite sometime, whether by my own choice or not, somehow- now, it didn't seem right. The fishbowl I was swimming around in was changing...and it was time to hang curtains around the glass house.

I wrote posts in my head over and over. Thinking of different ways to try to catch up my blog on my life- then I would question myself. Why do I feel like I need to do this? Because writing is my therapy. That is why. I felt like if I just started fresh, I would be leaving out chapters in my book. {Even though, lets face it- the book has been sparse over the last few years.}

So here goes...

I was driving to the airport...head just above water in the ocean of emotions I just mentioned. I'd driven this drive hundreds of times- but this time it was different. This time I was dropping my daughter off for her first trip to visit her dad since our separation. She was excited to see him and I was excited for her...and terrified for myself. {emotional roller coaster} She had never, ever been away from me except for a night here or there with my parents. I worried about every.single.detail of her trip from seat belts and baths to dinners and stranger-danger. {I mean psycho worried- I wanted to book myself a ticket to fly with them...and just follow along behind every step of her stay, to be ensure everything would be fine. I didn't, of course. But I wanted to.} Then before I knew it, I was driving home, listening to her stories of all the adventures they'd been on during their time together. I had nothing to worry about. {but that's what moms do}

There are things that I will not say about my life, the people in it and the decisions I've made over the past year. Simply put? I am happy...and it's a wonderful feeling. I love my daughter more than anything in this world. She will always be the first priority in my life. Her father is not a bad person- or a bad father...in fact, he's a great father. He and I just weren't meant to grow old together as husband and wife. We will always be in each others lives and I will never utter an ill word about him. {did you catch the pun?} I do hope that we will be friends...even though no one ever thinks that can truly happen. 

I don't know when or if I will even post this entry. But it is a start. A start to 2015...a new life and new happiness.

1 comment:

  1. Love having you back , missed your sense of humor and style , standing with you in this journey called life. Mom and Daddy