The Day the Blond Went Hunting

With hunting season rapidly approaching, I thought I would share about my first hunting experience which just occurred last fall. While I come from a hunting family, I am far from a hunter. I tend to be more apt to adopt something fury with four-legs, rather than murder it in cold blood hunt it...but I'm always up for trying something new...and was actually pretty excited for the experience.

I knew we would have to wake up in the wee-hours of the morning and assumed that there was not a coffee-maker in the Breaking Bad inspired 'bus' we were sleeping in. {Seriously, Walter White wouldn't even cook meth in this thing.} So, I snagged some bottled Frappucinos as a coffee-backup plan. I definitely didn't want to start out our morning of killing the defenseless without proper caffeination.

We hopped on the 4wheeler and set off down a dark path.

"Don't the deer hear us coming!?" I yelled asked.

"WHAT?!?!!" my sweet man replied.

"Don't the deer...nevermind."

I knew there was no way he could hear me over the 4wheeler motor.

A few moments later, we arrived at our deer stand. 

"Where does the 4wheeler hide? Don't the deer see that and think DANGER AHEAD?! I mean...in Bambi...." I was stopped by the look. The one that says, are you seriously asking me if deer sense danger? We are here to hunt- they get shot for a reason.

I moved on. I had a plethora of questions I needed answers to.

Once the 4wheeler was safely hidden in a nearby bush, we climbed into the deer stand. As the sun began to rise over the fields, I surprised myself. I was having such a good time taking in all the nature that surrounded me. The fog rising...the birds chirping...the crackle in the woods...wait.

"Is that a deer!?" I whispered, excitedly.

"No, it sounds like a bird or something. Shh," my sweet man said, trying so hard to be patient.

"Do you think it's a spotter?"

"A what?!"

"A spotter...for the deer. Like- they send out the bird first to peep the scene," I said, trying to keep a straight face. {peep the scene}

I got the look again.

"SHHHH" he said, lighting a cigarette- he seemed stressed for some odd reason.

"Don't they smell that!?" I asked.

He took a deep breath and put his head in his hands. 

I decided I would try to file some of my questions away for a later time. He clearly didn't appreciate my commentary. But I was just so curious.

I heard a gunshot in the distance. I had to fight the urge to scream, "RUN BAMBI RUN!!!!!!!" 

"Look!" my sweet fella whispered, pointing behind our stand.

Running through the field behind us were four deer. {Too far away to shoot at. Score!} Now, I couldn't tell you about racks or if it was a doe, ray or mi...but they were breathtaking. 

"Look how fast they are. I want to ride one!!" I said.

I got the look, followed by a Jesus.

As the excitement faded, I felt my eyes starting to get heavy. Knowing talking was not an option to keep me awake, I opted for my trusty Frappucino. If anyone has ever opened one of those, you know it's not the most quiet activity I could've chosen.

Crackle. Craaccccckle. Crackle. Crrrraaaaackle. 

"Sorry," I whispered.

The look.

Craccccckle.

"There. It's off," I said, proudly twisting off the top.

POP. {I had forgotten about the sealed top, whoops.}

"Seriously!?!?" my sweet(?) man yelped.

"SHHHH!!! You'll scare the deer!!" I replied, taking a sip of my coffee.

He looked at his gun. Clearly contemplating shooting something other than the deer. I got the look one last time before we climbed down from tree stand and headed back to Walt White's.

I wasn't banned from the hunting camp...but I was given much stricter instructions on trip #2. Along with duct tape.

Happy hunting!