Doc

If you're ever given the chance to own your dream horse, take it. Sell whatever you have to in order to make that dream a reality. #advicefromacowgirl

My daddy and my husband would share similar reasoning in saying that any horse that walked into my life would quickly become my dream horse. Each arguing that any equine in my line of sight, is the most beautiful, magnificent creature that ever walked God's green earth. They're both correct. 

I remember the day so clearly- where I was sitting, what I was doing- when I was offered the opportunity to own a dream horse. It was a bittersweet text sent from my friend, saying her husband had found his dream horse and was ready to rehome Doc. 

Doc is so special to us and needs a good home. He still has many trail miles left in him...do you know of anyone who would love him like we do?

I responded, "I do. I want him! I have to sell Kirk's mare...but I want him. I mean, you know, for Kirk."

We were in the middle of planning our surprise wedding. I responded without even talking to Kirk. I knew he would be on board because....it was Doc. Doc was the horse we would see at trail rides- hell, anyone, horses included, would see at rides and bow down in respect to his authority. #seriously

The day after our wedding, we brought Doc home. (Yes, when most people pack up to head out on a honeymoon...we traveled west about 45 miles to pick up a new horse.) As excited as I was to marry my dream-man the day before, I was just as excited to bring home our dream horse.

Doc settled in quickly to our little farm- quickly letting Tristan know he was the boss of all things. He enjoyed the extra snuggles, treats, and kisses. Nothing phased the big man- the opposite of his pasture-mate. He often looked over at Tristan as if to say, "Seriously, man...get it together. You're supposed to be a majestic creature."

A few years into our journey, I noticed some labored breathing in my sweet man, Doc. We began jumping through hoops to try to make breathing not so much of a chore. Rides were halted until the frigid winter months, when he seemed to breathe easy. We soaked hay, gave steroid injections, oral medication, and an ocean's worth of tears on the bad days. In true Doc-style, he was a gentleman through it all. 

Owning horses is not for the faint at heart, especially when it comes to making decisions like the one I knew was coming. Doc's breathing was steadily getting worse and his body was covered in sweat, even with the cool temperatures. We made the call- knowing it was the last kind thing we could do for our friend.

The nights prior, I had the same dream during the few minutes of sleep I managed to get. My daddy was sitting on Brandy, my childhood horse, in a huge field. Brandy was eating grass and Daddy was waving with both hands. (Like Lane Frost in 8 Seconds...if you haven't watched that movie, stop reading now and go watch it.) He wasn't smiling necessarily, he was just waving like he always did. Just seeing him made me smile- but I was too preoccupied to put much thought into the meaning behind the dream.

The day we had to say goodbye- also known as the absolute shittiest day of a cowgirl's life. (And ya'll, we deal with some shit. #punintended) Doc did it his way...and we let him. We held his head and gave him all the treats he could stand. We kissed him and cried over him in the rain.

He laid down gently...and I saw his ears move forward and his hooves begin to move. My heart sank...he's having a seizure. His hooves moved into a canter, as his body lay still...our vet grabbed my hand.

He's already running in the meadow. {my dream} Daddy's waving him over.

In that moment as the tears ran down my cheeks, it all made sense to me. The bad days with horses, the sick times, the hardest times...they were always spent with Daddy. He was always the voice that said "This is hard but its what has to be done, Bud...we've done all we can do here"...it was what I was missing- his reassurance. He was right there beside me, taking Doc's lead and saying "Come on, boy..."

Later that evening as I stood in the barn, I thanked God for trusting me to care for such marvelous creatures. As I kissed the muzzle of my other two dream horses, I smiled knowing Daddy was doing the same.

Take my advice...never pass up the opportunity to own your dream horse.

Goals

I don't set resolutions for myself. I feel like setting a resolution tends to set me up to fail. However, if I set a goal...it seems much more attainable. 

In setting goals, I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned that while I hate to disappoint others, (ie: let others down) I will quickly cancel on myself. In the fall, I read "Girl, Wash Your Face" and while it didn't completely rock my world, I did walk away from it with one big reminder- to show up for myself. Whether it is an hour spent in the horse-barn or a two mile run...show up. Sometimes just showing up is half the battle.

In order to show up, you have to make a plan- set that goal. Putting myself out there and sharing my goals is another way to hold myself accountable. (Because I can't very well let my four faithful blogreaders down. Hi, Mom!)

The Goals-

- Show up & hold myself accountable to things that are important 

- Don't show up to social media. It is SO okay to not be online-accessible all the time. If the world is ending, someone will call. Seriously. The more we are on it, the more we feel the urgency to be on it. Set social media times and stick to them.

- Write. Journal. Blog. Creativity fuels creativity.

- Read a chapter of something every day.

- Re-read goals list...check yourself before you wreck yourself.

So in keeping with my goals...it has been quite sometime since I've blogged, while I've kept a wildly sporadic journal over the last year or so, my blog has gone dark. 

Part of me that wants to write about 2018- the ups and downs- the happiness and sadness...the OCD in me wants to catch this page up from the lack of entries over the last year. But a bigger part of me doesn't. Ultimately, the big picture is the same from year to year...I still have a little farm with a lot of animals...I still talk about my horses almost as much as I do my kids and my husband...I still attend weddings for one career and divorces for another...I'm still really, insanely sarcastic and think I'm funnier than I actually am...and I'm still the friend who says what everyone else is thinking. 

Well...that satisfies the need to catch up. Here's to reaching goals in 2019!