Friday night, Little Miss and I had a little bit of a night out on the town. We started our evening some of our favorite little and big girls over at La Fogata. (Yum, just saying the name of that heavenly place makes me hungry.) Little Miss had a great time with her friends- it was a trip to see. They all had either iPhones of iTouches out and played on them just about the entire dinner...only stopping to eat quickly and make a trip to the counter to get ring pops.
After dinner, no one wanted to go home...so the big girls decided to head over to karaoke while the little girls went home to play together. This is where the night began to go down in history as the most hilarious and embarrassing night of my life, thus far.
So you get the picture...the voices of reason (ie: the sober parties) were myself and Mandy Stetson. If you know either of us or have been intoxicated around us, you'll know that we are probably not the best voice of reason. Mostly, we'll point and laugh at you- in the most loving way, of course. The most you can ask out of us is that we try to make sure you don't strip naked in the bar. (But really...no promises.)
The singing in the bar was surprisingly pretty good...but it was the most depressing of depressing country music known to man. (And I love me some country music...but this was too much.) So, one of our party decided that Mandy and I (note: the only sober people, besides the bartenders, in the place) should liven up the place.
"You can rap, right Eden?"
"Huh?" I said, instantly terrified.
"Yea..you can...do some Beastie Boys or something!"
"What? Who? No, no..."
"Let's do 'Baby Got Back'!"
Okay, so I know I can do Baby Got Back b/c I've been known to rock out to that song with Little Miss while mopping the floor...or cooking dinner...or driving well, just about anywhere. So we sign up to do that song...and just as we put our names in, I realize that I went to high school with both the bartenders. I thought to myself, well...maybe they don't recognize me....and that thought was interrupted by waves from both of them. Crap.
By the time our name was called, our friend- who's birthday it happened to be- decided to join us. She had no qualms about jumping right up on stage and reading every single word off the prompter. (Her enunciation and pronunciation were incredible, considering she'd had quite a few birthday drinks and had never heard the song before.)
My palms were sweaty and I had cotton-mouth like nobody's business. It became quite clear to my why I'm not the performer in the family. If it was up to me to get onstage every night and bring home the bacon, we'd have to go steal a pig. (ba-dum-chi)
I'm quite certain the karaoke-man, who didn't care for me or Mandy, never turned our microphone on b/c I couldn't hear myself to save my life. By the time we finished and got back to our seats, I was greeted by a friendly face...a mother of a girl I'd gone to high school with.
"Hey! That was so cute what ya'll did up there....what, what was that? What do you call that?" said in a thick, Southern accent. (thick as in, how Britney Spears sounds when she's trying to be southern, not British)
"It's umm, rap music...the song was called 'Baby Got Back'" I explained.
"Ohhh, uh huuuh...I've never heard of that. I will have to look it up on the internet."
"Yea...you should. It's about girls with huge asses," I said with a smile.
"Oh...well. Well, that was really cute! Bye, now!" she said flustered, while walking away from me as fast as possible.
A few minutes passed and the birthday-girl decided she wanted to sing another upbeat song. What's more upbeat that 50 Cent? I got all excited for her b/c I didn't think I'd have to join her onstage...wrong.
Hands down the most hilarious moment of the night occurred with the birthday-girl began to recite the lyrics to 'In The Club' and instead of saying 'Look Mami I got the X if you into taking drugs' she said "Look Miami...I got the X cuz I'm into have SEX!!" I thought I was going to fall over. Neither Mandy nor I could even begin to be her hype-girls b/c we were laughing so hard we couldn't even catch our breath. (In fact, I'm laughing pretty hard right now while I'm typing this...my dogs think I've lost it.)
Did I mention it was snowing that particular night? It was...in North Carolina...snowing. I think that's a sign that I should never ever do kareoke again.
Oh and can I tell you how happy I am that no one had a video camera that particular night? The thought of me on youtube absolutely terrifies me.