I'm Ready

Eight years ago I lost my best friend. He was 26 years old and had been in my life since he was 18. Together I felt like we could conquer the world. I remember visiting the barn who originally rescued him from his abusive home, just 2 weeks after my first horse passed away. (Although Sham was my first horse, she was hardly my best friend. She taught me a lot in the 2 short years we had her, but she was more like a bitchy aunt than a best friend.) I watching him prance and pace back and forth- snorting and stomping. He seemed kind but nervous and scared. It was obvious that he needed someone to love him- as he was only about 900lbs. (Considering his height, he only a few days away from dying had he not been found.)

A few weeks after we brought him home, I came inside crying. I told my mom and dad that Brandy would never love me like Sham did. (The previous owner was an alcoholic and named him after the liquor.)

I ran inside crying because Brandy wouldn't stay in his stall with me while he ate his dinner. It broke my heart that he didn't trust me....and in my 10 year old mind, I thought he never would.

A few months later, Brandy trusted me to not only stay in the stall with him while he ate- but to sit on him while he laid down in the backyard to rest. From then on, the trust I had for him and the trust he had for me was endless.

August 16th, 2001- after several days of heartbreak, I lost my best friend. The doctor's told us it was kidney failure. I found Brandy laying in the backyard a few days before & he wasn't able to get up. I pulled and begged him- please don't give up- until he finally got up...for me. The next few days we tried to keep him comfortable and cool, as it was unbearably hot. We'd been in the barn with him constantly- between me, my mom & Missy- I don't think he was alone at all over those few days. Somehow, we'd all come inside- one to nap, one to use the bathroom, etc. That's when it happened. He had a nosebleed- and I found traces of his blood on the chair I was sitting on and all the way up to the stairs leading into the house. He was looking for me.

We found him laying in the entryway to his stall- his body still warm. I laid down beside him and prayed that he would visit me in my dreams. And he does.

I didn't know if I would ever be ready to have my own horse again. My heart still hurts as bad as it did on that hot day in August when I lost my boy- but now, I'm ready to put my trust in another equine...and I think I've found just the perfect one, who needs my trust as much as I need his.

Introducing: WhatUSeeIsWhatUGet AKA: Storm

"Let's get the new guy!""See...told you if we just ignored him, he'd go away...""Ugh! Who made eye contact?! RUN!"So far he seems to be adjusting pretty well to his new home and new friends. Hopefully the "hazing" will end soon & he will be able to join the herd. ;)

And yes, he's a North Carolina horse. Little Miss are heading back that way on Wednesday.

A True Cowgirl

A true cowgirl always wears all her bling, leopard and rides with her cellphone handy...always.


...a true cowgirl can also be seen wearing her riding clothes all day- dirty or not. ;)

Best Friends

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Cowgirls Don't Cry

I tend to clean to country music- I try not to sing along, but most of the time after humming the words quietly for threw a few songs...I simply turn into Reba McEntire.

This morning while I was cleaning the kitchen and fixing Little Miss an early lunch- she began demanding chicken nuggets and fries at about 10:55am- the song that always gets me came on the CMT countdown. Brooks'n'Dunn's "Cowgirls Don't Cry" gets me every time- no matter how many times I listen to it, the song will always end with me in tears.

It reminds me so much of my dad and I. He taught me how to ride- he taught me not to cry over the small stuff because nothing was worth my tears. I can hear him saying, "Don't cry, honey" as I type this.

This was the first time I'd actually allowed myself to watch the video- the song tears me up so bad, I figured the video would cause a serious meltdown. Not only did it remind me of my dad and I...but it was us- and at the end (except for the father passing away) it was me and Little Miss.

Here, just watch it... ;)

Speak On It! (Seriously...I want you to!)

Ok my Mommy-readers (and Daddy-readers)- I would like you to chime in on this subject...

I'm a Mommy...have been for over 2 years now. My husband and I decided when we got pregnant with Little Miss that I would be a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). I'll admit, at first I thought, "How hard can it be? I'll be able to take care of Little Miss, cook all our meals and keep the house clean...and I'll have the whole day to get everything accomplished!" Hahaha, must've been all those prenatal vitamins that had me thinking like a complete wackjob.

Recently I've heard this statement more than I'd like to:

"You're a SAHM...so we can do *lunch/dinner/coffee/etc* whenever because you don't have a schedule, right?!"

Actually, I do have a schedule. My boss (the 2 year old) runs a pretty tight ship- she likes to eat about 10 minutes after she wakes up in the morning and she expects a hot meal. About 3-4 hours later she expects another hot meal...and right after that, she expects me to snuggle with her before she falls asleep for 1-3 hours. In that 1-3 hour window, techniqually I'm on break...but you know, child welfare tends to frown on leaving your sleeping 2 year old alone in your home. So sure, we can get together then- but you'll have to come to me. If that doesn't work for you, after I put her to bed (between 7 and 9pm) I techniqually go on break again until the following morning...unless of course, she wakes up and needs me to help her get back to sleep, needs her diaper changed, or needs more water in her sippy. And again- you'll have to come to me.

"But...I mean, can't your husband just watch her? Or your Mom? (If I'm in NC)"

Sure...but my husband works from home- and he tends to be a bit of a workaholic, God Bless him. My Mom? Of course she would love to watch her granddaughter any and all times I needed her to- but on top of working 40+hours a week, she also takes care of my 95 year old, great-aunt. I tell her constantly that she is doing too much- so why would I say that and then add one more thing onto her already-overflowing plate?

Friendships are supposed to be give and take relationships. Your real friends are supposed to be understanding of your obligations. I hate to think like this- but I think some of my friends would be much more understanding of my busy schedule if I had an out-of-the-house job. I mean, I certainly don't say "Well, you should just take off work tomorrow because tomorrow is the only day I have a babysitter..." So why would they expect the same treatment? It's a hurtful realization, really.

One of my favorite people told me a few days ago:

"I didn't know that to be a good friend you had to constantly be doing things for one another- I thought you just loved each other and spent time together when life allowed for it. You don't have to talk every day or see each other all the time to be close friends."

Maybe she is more understanding because she is a Mommy, too. Or maybe it's just because she's a real friend, someone who is there no matter what...no matter how few times I call her, how many times I'm a day late wishing her 'Happy Birthday' or how few times a year we actually get to physically visit with each other. (Love you, Cassie.)


So Mamas and Papas...have you ever encountered these issues? What are your thoughts?