Introducing....

Like I said in my previous post...you can never replace a horse. With each horse, the mold is broken- they all have their personality quirks and different ways of loving you....just as you do with them.

I knew deep in my heart months ago that I would have to let Broadway go. I found myself looking online at available horses for sale and thinking, wishing that I could go on trail rides with Broadway. I'd look through the ads, picture myself on a ride with my cowgirl friends...get frustrated and go to the barn to soak hooves or administer pain medication. I mourned Broadway so much while he was still alive and in pain, that when we said our goodbyes...it was healing in a way.

A few days after his passing, the cowgirl warriors started finding amazing horses for me to try. And when I say warriors, I mean they were sending ads from all over the damn place...horses that seemed so perfect. Even though I knew not to get too excited...not to get my hopes up b/c most people who sell horses are bat-shit-crazy (think backyard car dealer)...I couldn't help myself. I'd read each listing and picture myself on that horse- but now when I pictured myself on another horse, it was just excitement that I felt in the pit of my stomach- not dread or frustration like before.

Early in the morning, the day before I met my new horse...I received an email with a link to an ad on craigslist in the Lynchburg area. My best cowgirl warrior, my sistah, Danielle, said only "CALL THIS ONE ABOUT THE HEIGHT!!"

I wiped the sleep from my eyes and looked at the ad.

"It's a CREMELLO PAINT!? WITH BLUE EYES!?!" I said out loud.

I immediately texted the seller...and we texted literally all day long.

At 4:30am the next morning, I jumped out of bed and rushed out the door to hook up my horse trailer. I sweated gallons hooking it up, but the heat was the last thing on my mind. I felt like I did on Christmas morning when I got my first horse. The excitement was uncontainable.

I picked up Danielle and her daughter an hour and a half later and we began our almost 6 hour trip to test out the craigslist cremello. My nerves were all over the place- I was excited, nervous and terrified. I've bought horses and been totally burned by the sellers...I've done the crazy-horse-that-tried-to-kill-me thing. I just want sane...and well, pretty. My mom's words rang in my head, "Be picky...there is no hurry." 

We arrived at the barn at high noon...and 145 degrees. (OH! And one of my favorite parts to this story- my cousin lives like 5 minutes down the road from the barn! So she came with us!!)

So yes...high noon, hot as hell. We all introduce ourselves and I see him. He nuzzles my hand and I quietly tell my heart to be still. We walk down the mountain (ok, it's more like a small hill- but I'm a flatlander) to a small ring and I watch the owner ride him....then I ride him. The smile on my face widens. My heart is not listening to me tell it to be still. Not. At. All.

"Do you want to go out on a little trail ride?" the owner asks.

"YES!" Danielle's daughter and I answer at the same time.

The owner laughs and grabs an extra horse...and we ride off into the most gorgeous countryside I've ever seen. Rolling hills of clover...that I slowly cantered over on the horse that my heart was quite quickly falling in love with.

We arrived back to the barn and discussed the "biznas" part of the trip. The owner agreed that if after two weeks I'd found any issues with him, that I could return him for a full refund. I'd only known him a few hours and I already couldn't imagine what I'd do if I had to return him. I handed her a white envelope, Sopranos style, bubble wrapped my new baby...and off we went. Well...almost.

Meet Tristan, 5 y/o...clearly both him & I needed some purple shampoo to rinse the yeller'out. (His previous owner was so sad to see him go.)

I probably would've ridden him home if it wasn't 145 degrees out...not gonna lie. I was so thrilled...more thrilled than a child on Christmas. BUT- I had the looming vet visit hanging over me...and on the long drive home- the 'what ifs' played through my mind.

Thankfully, that was a big ole waste of time! The vet came out & said Tristan is a healthy boy! AND HE'S OFFICIALLY MINE!!!!

Tristan has many AKAs thus far: 

Vanilla Ice (are you singing the song now? Stop. Collaborate...)

Pretty Fly for a White Guy

The list goes on...but I don't want to offend white rappers whose name I may or may not call my horse. However, pretty much any white rapper joke that can be told, I tell him. On a daily basis. I mean...he's in a white rapper family- it's just unavoidable. Sometimes he jumps around...while I tell him jokes. (badumchi)

We've switched things around a little...and Tristan will be living at a boarding facility instead of at my parents. As strong as I try to be, there are too many 'horses from the past' memories there and I am ready to have a fresh start. I'm thrilled with my new boy...did I mention that?

I'm thrilled. ;-)

Confessions of a Horse Lover: More Than A Vet Check

Horses are funny animals. Certain horses- nothing phases them. You could take them to a mountain top, in the freezing cold and they'd eat their hay and grain just as well as they do at their own barn. Other horses need time to adjust.

After a few days at our barn, my new fella still wasn't quite adjusted. It concerned me- with his already thin frame, that a few days with no grain could be a tell-tale sign of a bigger issue. What do you do when you have a concern like this? You call for backup.

My backup arrived and we discussed possible issues as to why he may not be eating. Everything from ulcers to the simple- he just doesn't like his old feed from his old home. With horses, the issue is almost never as simple as they just don't like their grain...but this time- it was! While discussing the grain issue, we noticed some serious weakness in his hind legs. He wouldn't fall over when tugged on- but he was far from resistant. This is a key symptom in horses who have Equine Protozoal Myeloencephalitis or EPM. I was devastated. I couldn't even research it b/c it made me so sick to think that someone could sell a horse with this disease...especially to someone who'd be riding this horse with a child.

Conversations with the previous owners flooded my mind almost like a dam breaking. But they said he was shown hunt seat? He was a jumper? How could he do all those things with all this weakness? Is this why they traded me?

The following day I went for a ride with some of my favorite girlfriends, on one of their extra horses. The talk was mostly about my new horse...and what our options were. (I say our because that's how horse-people are. If you're in a funk, they're going to be in the funk with you...until you find a way out of the funk.) We discussed possible treatments, other diseases that could cause the weakness and even that it could just be from malnutrition. I don't think any of us really thought it could be malnutrition- that's just way to simple right?

One of my other good friends called me daily. She worried just as much as I did about my new fella. On the morning of the vet visit, I got a call from her...which I thought was just to tell me the ETA of the vet b/c he was coming from her place. 

"So, we'll be heading over in a few minutes," she told me.

"The vet will be?" I asked.

"Well, yea...soon- but we're coming for support...for you. And because, you know- we just really want to hear the vet say he's ok!" she said.

What can I say? I'm blessed with some amazing friends.

The vet arrived and started right in with the shot giving, teeth checking exam. I hesitated mentioning anything about EPM- I guess I didn't want to jinx it. I told the doctor that I'd noticed some weaknesses here and there with my new boy and he stopped me, told me to walk him in several small circles. My heart was in my throat as we circled tightly. I held my horse's face, as if that would change the outcome in my favor.

"What he has is like this...he's very thin, with very little muscle. So it would be like you standing on stilts. There is not muscle connected those stilts to your actual leg, right? So you'd be a bit wobbly at times...that's how he feels with those long legs," he told us.

"So it's not EPM?" I asked with tears in my eyes. (covered by large sunglasses)

"No. I'll tell you why..." he began explaining.

I could hardly listen to why it wasn't EPM because the words 'he's fine' kept ringing in my head. I hugged my horse, I hugged the doctor, I choked back tears until the vet left...and then the happiness flowed right out my eyeballs.

That afternoon (per doctor's approval) I took my new fella, Broadway "Mr. Big" Braunstein, out for his very first ride around town. We brought along our friend, Cindy, who shared in prayers and support through the two weeks of unknown. Mr. Big and I took it along slow, just walking the streets of Manteo together. I could literally feel our bond growing with the sound of each hoof hitting the pavement. Mr. Big is not all about other horses, which is a welcome change. He sniffed noses with my friend's mare, Dice, but quickly pinned his ears back- as if to say, "don't get to close...I won't share my food with you, no matter how pretty you are." He is a wise man, another welcome change. He wants to protect his rider- so long as they protect him.

As soon as our ride was over, I was ready to ride again. However, the weather didn't so much cooperate with us until this weekend. We set out for our first trailered-ride together. My friends, Cindy and Mary joined us...and we had the most amazing time. Mr. Big did a phenomenal job. We ran into several obstacles that would've sent me up into the treetops had I been on Storm- but Mr. Big stopped, looked and carried on- like it was no big thing. (Because a go-cart really isn't a big thing!)

Thank you all so very much for the thoughts and prayers for a healthy vet-check. It was so much more than just a clean bill of health to me- it was the gain of a new best friend and companion. :)

Confessions of a Horse Lover: Decisions

The act of becoming a horse owner is possibly the cheapest and easiest decision an equine-lover will make. That's not to say that being a horse owner is a cheap or that the decisions that follow the initial purchase of your new equine friend will be extremely easy. In fact, it's quite the opposite. The decisions that follow are always complicated, costly and sometimes, heart-wrenching. 

Several months ago, I began noticing a change in my equine friend. He was more aggressive and just generally annoyed at well...everything. I felt totally responsible. I'd been busy with everything...Little Miss, work, life, etc. I thought with a little time and some extra love, he'd be back to normal in no time. I thought wrong. On several occasions, I hopped onto his back & after about 15 minutes of calm, cool, normal horse- he turned into a bucking, rearing bronco. I still felt like with some more time, he'd snap out of it. Again, wrong. (Probably because at no point during those riding experiences did I have to propel myself onto the ground.) The thought of 'giving up' on my boy wasn't an option...but then he began exhibiting the rowdy behavior when I wasn't even on his back! Even though he was getting progressively worse instead of better, I was sure we could work through it. A few weeks ago, I decided to saddle him up and take him for a spin around the block. I vowed to ride him around the block every day for a week, in hopes to 'get the funk out'. We got about 5 houses away from the barn when he reared so high I thought he was going to flip over backwards on top of me. This is no exaggeration, folks. I asked God to please...let me be able to walk again...please, don't let anything be broken that won't heal quickly. I was sure I'd be a pancake. Thankfully, he didn't flip over...oh no, he came straight down with roughly 15 bucks before I dove off into someone's front yard. (Thanks for the padded-sod, neighbors!) He stopped when I landed and looked me right in the eyes. There was no fear or embarrassment in his eyes. He had a look of accomplishment...like he'd gotten what he wanted. I got back on his back and felt like I was sitting on top of a ticking-time-bomb. His body felt like a cork, getting ready to shoot out of a champagne bottle.

My whole body ached the next day...but what hurt the most was my heart. I've considered my horse my best friend since the first moment I saw him. We've come so very far in just a year and a half to go so far back. I took it personal. I work very hard to keep him safe, healthy and happy for him to work so hard to hurt me. I knew, no matter how much time passed and how many great rides we had, I would never ever trust him around Little Miss again. The relationship between a horse and rider is much like a marriage, once the trust is broken...what's the point? 

I have had to say good-bye to horses in my lifetime...horses that meant the world to me. But when I said good-bye to them, it wasn't my choice...it was God's choice. If I could've kept them forever, I would've have never said good-bye. So, I knew this decision to say good-bye wouldn't be easy. Naturally, only the good times flooded my mind...but the trust-issue rang louder than a gong on a cable television show.

I found a place I thought would both be able to handle my bipolar horse and would keep him safe, well-fed, sheltered, etc. They trained horses and then sold them...which I was fine with- as long as no one would get hurt, particularly my equine friend. In conjunction with finding him a new home, I also found a horse who seemed to be absolutely perfect...who was ironically, boarded at the same barn.

My dad and I set out for the 5 hour drive to take my old friend, Storm to his new home and look/pick up a new friend. Storm proved he was aptly named by refusing to get into the trailer, almost trampling me numerous times and taking his halter off not once, but twice on the westward drive. My nerves were shot by the time we arrived....in the dark...in the rain. It set my mind at ease that the new owners were excited to meet Storm & weren't nervous about his spirited personality. They had a beautiful barn, filled with horses who seemed well-fed and content...all except for one. 

The largest of the stalled steeds, who was the only one wearing a blanket, was walked into the aisle way to be introduced to me. His kind eyes and large body reminded me of my Brandy- the horse who still holds my heart, even from heaven. I blew in his nose, his ears perked up- as if my story was flooding his brain. He nuzzled my vest as his current owner took his blanket off of him. My heart sunk. He was incredibly underweight. I could tell he'd been eating something but not what he should. I stopped hearing what his owner was telling me and started hearing him...I need you. 

As much as he needed me, I needed him to need me. Storm stopped needing or wanting me- I had become old news to him. Maybe he needed a herd? Maybe he needed a cart-job? Maybe he needed...something else? This new boy just needed love...and someone who really cared. Someone who cared enough to research what food he needed and not just chalk his weight-loss up to 'he's just not hungry'. He needed to be treated like a pet a little more than just a horse. 

I climbed onto the new boy's back and rode him around the barn in the rain. He did everything I asked him to do, almost before I asked him to. I heard a horse holler from the barn as we rode- it was Storm. At that moment, I wished I knew what he was saying to me. He knew he was being traded. He knew he wasn't mine anymore. It broke my heart.

I got the new fella into the trailer and walked back into the barn one last time. I had to fight back the tears- God knows I won't cry in front of a perfect stranger...they have to think I'm tough as nails. I grabbed his red halter one last time, kissed him and told him good-bye. He looked at me with his wild eyes and sighed. I walked back to the truck alone and the tears flowed down my face.

"That was hard," I said as I climbed into the driver's seat.

"Why, honey?" my daddy asked.

"Because...I love him," I told him, hardly getting the words out before my silent tears turned into sobbing.

"He's going to be safe here. This is the best place for him. You can't get hurt on him, baby...you have Riya to think about." 

"I know...I know...but it's still so hard, Daddy."

I cried until we got back out to the main road. I knew I made the right decision- and I felt like, no matter what kind of people these folks were (b/c I'd gotten the feeling they were a little shady) they'd be able to handle Storm. 

The days that followed were difficult. I kept slipping up and calling the new boy, Storm, instead of his actual name. (Which I'm changing...to something. Ideas?) Along with the weight issue, I noticed some weaknesses here and there with him. I attempted to call his previous owner...interestingly enough, she refused all my calls. (All that is a post in-itself. Let's just say...I hope the previous owner takes a ride on Storm.;-)

The vet will be coming to the barn on Tuesday to check out my new fella. I'm praying that everything will be fine, but am prepared for the worst. Well...maybe not the worst but I'm prepared for a less than perfect report. Say a prayer for us? This new fella and I are already fast friends...his kind eye and calm heart have stolen mine. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us...but for now, I'm praying just for healthy.

Ponzer, NC

Storm & I (and lots of other horses and horse folk) spent all day Saturday in Ponzer, NC. What is in Ponzer, you might ask? Nothing. A gas station, appropriately named "The Store", lots of farm land, hunting camps and a little trail ride we decided to attend.

It was the 3rd Annual "Thumbs Up" trail ride- we quickly found out just before taking the trails. Our "trail boss" held her hand up, as if to do the thumbs up sign...but had no thumb. She explained that the first year they hosted the ride, she lost her thumb. Glad we're starting on a positive note, I thought to myself.

Sometimes you just have to rock out with your spurs out...

This is part of our group- waiting for our thumbless trail boss...something we did most of the ride.

One of my favorite parts of the ride was taking the horses out into the Intracoastal Waterway for a swim. Here are some of my favorite gals letting their horses cool off in the waterway.

Mandy & I- taking a self portrait while our horses were stuffing their bellies.
(Thanks for being such a great friend, Mandy! ♥ you!)

After the ride we took the horses all the way out into the waterway for a real swim. Storm & I were both drenched from our heads to our toes/hooves. It is an incredible feeling to have a horse trust you enough to take swimming- to feel him swim under your body. Only real horse people would understand the adrenaline rush you get the first time. :)

Storm's previous owners attended the trail ride, as well. They were amazed at all we (me & him) have accomplished over the last few months.

*I will post more pictures as I get them...there is one that I'm dying to see of me, Storm, Mandy & Ace in the waterway while a huge sailboat passes us.

I'm Ready

Eight years ago I lost my best friend. He was 26 years old and had been in my life since he was 18. Together I felt like we could conquer the world. I remember visiting the barn who originally rescued him from his abusive home, just 2 weeks after my first horse passed away. (Although Sham was my first horse, she was hardly my best friend. She taught me a lot in the 2 short years we had her, but she was more like a bitchy aunt than a best friend.) I watching him prance and pace back and forth- snorting and stomping. He seemed kind but nervous and scared. It was obvious that he needed someone to love him- as he was only about 900lbs. (Considering his height, he only a few days away from dying had he not been found.)

A few weeks after we brought him home, I came inside crying. I told my mom and dad that Brandy would never love me like Sham did. (The previous owner was an alcoholic and named him after the liquor.)

I ran inside crying because Brandy wouldn't stay in his stall with me while he ate his dinner. It broke my heart that he didn't trust me....and in my 10 year old mind, I thought he never would.

A few months later, Brandy trusted me to not only stay in the stall with him while he ate- but to sit on him while he laid down in the backyard to rest. From then on, the trust I had for him and the trust he had for me was endless.

August 16th, 2001- after several days of heartbreak, I lost my best friend. The doctor's told us it was kidney failure. I found Brandy laying in the backyard a few days before & he wasn't able to get up. I pulled and begged him- please don't give up- until he finally got up...for me. The next few days we tried to keep him comfortable and cool, as it was unbearably hot. We'd been in the barn with him constantly- between me, my mom & Missy- I don't think he was alone at all over those few days. Somehow, we'd all come inside- one to nap, one to use the bathroom, etc. That's when it happened. He had a nosebleed- and I found traces of his blood on the chair I was sitting on and all the way up to the stairs leading into the house. He was looking for me.

We found him laying in the entryway to his stall- his body still warm. I laid down beside him and prayed that he would visit me in my dreams. And he does.

I didn't know if I would ever be ready to have my own horse again. My heart still hurts as bad as it did on that hot day in August when I lost my boy- but now, I'm ready to put my trust in another equine...and I think I've found just the perfect one, who needs my trust as much as I need his.

Introducing: WhatUSeeIsWhatUGet AKA: Storm

"Let's get the new guy!""See...told you if we just ignored him, he'd go away...""Ugh! Who made eye contact?! RUN!"So far he seems to be adjusting pretty well to his new home and new friends. Hopefully the "hazing" will end soon & he will be able to join the herd. ;)

And yes, he's a North Carolina horse. Little Miss are heading back that way on Wednesday.

Horses + Ice Cream = Perfect Saturday

Ah, the weekend.

We spent most of our day riding through Manteo just like this...

Little Miss even took her afternoon nap atop Trouble. (Really, is there any better way to take a nap!?) After our ride, we met with some of my dad's truck-driver pals for dinner. Several of the guys he works with have October birthdays, as does my mom, so we all got together to celebrate. Honestly, I think my dad was just using that as an excuse to show off his grand baby. ;) She had a great time- especially during the dessert portion of our meal. She got to eat and hold her own ice cream cone! A first for her- and shockingly she didn't completely cover herself in it!

She wanted to share...;)

Cheeeeeeeze!Kisses to Grandaddy!
Shopping in the gift shop with Grandaddy- and of course, they both went right for the toy cars!

It was a wonderful day...and I'm totally tuckered out! I wish I could've napped on Trouble this afternoon too!

Tomorrow we are going to take the horses to Nags Head Woods. It's gorgeous back there- I might have to stop and grab a disposable camera for the ride. ;)

The Best Way To Spend An Afternoon...

The best way to spend an afternoon this gorgeous, is looking at amazing scenery through the ears of a horse.

Me & my boyfriend, Harley

I love this goober- thank you for letting me sneak off with your man, Missy! ;)

Playing in the ocean- I was pretty well drenched by the time we got back to the trailers.

Playtime!

Little Miss and I had planned to go see my Aunt Hope this morning for the first time since her surgery, but she thinks she may be coming down with a cold- so we decided to let her rest up and headed to the playground instead!

It was a gorgeous morning and the playground was not crowded at all. In fact, we were the only people there! Little Miss really enjoyed the slide and walking back and forth across the little bridge.

I think she was amazed how blue the sky was. She kept looking up in awe of it.

We walked around the docks and looked at all the boats. Little Miss was much more interested in running and being silly in the grass.

After we watched the boats for a bit, we walked over to the Roanoke Marshes lighthouse. It’s funny to call it a lighthouse because during my entire childhood- the area where the lighthouse is now was a “shit factory.” They built the replica lighthouse about 6 years ago…leave it to the Outer Banks to make something touristy out of something shitty, literally!

Every picture I took seemed like it was something out of a magazine. I have done photoshoots on these same docks in the past, but I’ve never been on this side of the lens. I think you tend to appreciate your surroundings more when you look at them through a camera lens, as opposed to looking at them in a rush on your way to work, school, etc. What a gorgeous place.

And again, we’re off to the farm to play with the horses. More pictures later!

Cowgirl, Baby!

Trouble, Little Miss & I, riding around Wanchese

How Sweet It Is

...that's what the sign reads as you enter Brooklyn via the Verrazano Bridge. And last night, after driving over eight hours it was soooo sweet to see that sign.We had been down in North Carolina for almost two weeks...two wonderful weeks, filled with nothing but absolute joy- and lots of amazing food. As you can see from the flickr pictures on the right, Little Miss B got to go horseback riding several times- and learned several new words during our visit...one of them being "Daisy"- the name of her favorite horse, the other one being "Gan'Daddy". (Luckily, she said "Gan'Daddy" first!) My dad's face just beamed when he heard such a big word come out of that little mouth.
Since we were fortunate enough to spend so much time in NC this time, we had the opportunity to see damn near everyone in the county. The first weekend we were there we ventured down to Swan Quarter to see my Grandmom, Aunt, Uncle and my cousins. Almost a month ago, my grandmom, Mama Clair, fell in her driveway and has had a hard time recuperating. Since she lived alone (well, with her 30lb cat) at the time, she is staying with my Aunt and Uncle until she feels more like herself. It was hard to see her not moving around. I was amazed at how much she looked like her mother- something that I never really noticed before. We spent the day with her- and she couldn't have been happier to have all of her children, grandchildren and great-grandchild all together. It was great to see all my cousins- but this was really the first time my cousin, Mandy and I had gotten a chance to just chat it up with each other in quite some time. Aside from looking shockingly alike...to the point that both Mama Clair and Aunt Donna called me Mandy at least twice- we have such similar personalities, I just love her.
Christmas day Mom fixed enough food for a small army and it was all so good. It was sad to look around at our one full table of people eating Christmas dinner. I thought back to when I was little...our house was always packed with family. We had multiple tables full of people stuffing their faces inside our house and outside. This Christmas had its own excitement, watching Little Miss eat her turkey and squish the jello salad through her fingers...but it also had memories of Christmas pasts- with loved ones who have gone on. I had to fight back tears when I took pictures of my aunt playing with Little Miss's Christmas toys with her. I'm amazed at her strength each day- but especially on days like Christmas.
After Christmas we got to visit with another set of cousins that I hadn't seen since last Christmas...and that turned into a reunion down at the marina in Wanchese. (There is no place like the Wanchese Marina for burgers...or chicken sandwiches, mmm) It was great to visit with Tabb- I just wish we would've had more time together. We bonded over babies, blogging and those incredible chicken sandwiches, haha. I could not believe how tall Dawson has gotten...one thing that never changes about that little one is how sweet he is. He is the most respectable little boy I have ever been around. Again, I just wish I had gotten to spend more time with them...but hopefully that will just push them on up to NYC for a visit!! ;) (hint, hint)
It was such an enjoyable trip. Even though the drive home was long- it was fun as well. We spent most of the trip just talking, while the munchkin napped and watched her movies. I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful family...both here and in NC. (and VA ;))